What Is Mediation In Divorce?
Updated December 6, 2024
You have probably heard of mediation and wondered, “What is mediation in divorce?” Please read on to learn more about divorce mediators and how they can help you resolve your divorce in Connecticut.
What Is Divorce Mediation?
What Does Divorce Mediation Mean?
Connecticut has two main types of divorce mediation. The first is an out-of-court process for resolving your divorce. The second form mediation takes in Connecticut is a tool to resolve the outstanding issues in divorce litigation.
Read: Settlement & Divorce
Connecticut Mediation & ADR
The first type of mediation is an alternative method for resolving your divorce. In Connecticut, the default process for divorce is litigation. Mediation and collaborative divorce are the two most common substitutes, referred to as alternative dispute resolution or “ADR.”
In this type of mediation, your divorce mediator guides you through all the issues you must resolve for a Connecticut court to grant your divorce. Mediation as a complete divorce process is our focus in this article.
Read: Mediation, Collaboration, or Litigation?
Read: Alternative Ways to Divorce in Connecticut: Litigation, Mediation, and Collaborative Divorce
Mediation as a Settlement Tool in Litigation
The second type of mediation happens if your attorney suggests deploying mediation as a settlement tool during divorce litigation. In these situations, you don’t participate in mediation throughout your entire divorce process. Instead, in the middle of a litigation, you hire a private divorce mediator. This mediator can assist you with specific aspects of your divorce, usually in one or two meetings. The mediator people select in these cases is frequently a retired family court judge.
CT Divorce Mediation
This article discusses the first type of divorce mediation in Connecticut. In this type, couples work entirely outside of court to settle their divorce. In divorce mediation, the mediator serves as a neutral guide to help you reach decisions in your divorce. Several topics must be decided for a judge to dissolve your marriage. They are property division, alimony, custody, and child support if you have minor children.
Read: Telling the Children About Divorce and How Collaboration and Mediation Might Help
What Is Mediation?
Divorce mediation is when a mediator assists divorcing couples in reaching agreements on finances, child custody, and parenting. The mediator helps the couple communicate and find solutions together but doesn’t make decisions for them.
Unlike traditional divorce litigation, which often involves court, mediation offers a more cooperative approach. It focuses on collaboration, compromise, and reaching agreements that both people can live with. Divorce mediation assists with various aspects of a divorce. These include determining child custody, dividing assets and finances, and establishing support payments.
Read: What Is a Mediated Divorce in Connecticut?
What Does a Divorce Mediator Do?
A divorce mediator is a trained professional who helps with the mediation process and remains neutral. The mediator helps the couple talk and negotiate, making sure both can share their needs and worries. The mediator is usually an experienced divorce attorney.
One of the critical responsibilities of a mediator is to maintain a balanced power dynamic between the divorcing spouses. They actively help create an environment where both individuals have the opportunity to be heard and understood. The mediator does not take sides or advocate for one party over the other. Instead, they help the couple find common ground and explore creative solutions that meet both of their needs.
Read: The Role of a Divorce Mediator: Helping You Reach Agreements That Work
Are Divorce Mediators Lawyers?
Most Connecticut mediators are lawyers. That said, Connecticut does not require that all divorce mediators be licensed attorneys. Therefore, the mediator does not serve as an attorney in a mediation.
In other words, the mediator does not represent either spouse and can only provide legal information, not legal advice. This is why we strongly recommend that you retain your own separate attorney. We refer to this in Connecticut as mediation review counsel.
Read: Review Counsel in Connecticut Divorce Mediation
Read: Understanding the Role of Review Counsel in Divorce
How Does Divorce Mediation Work?
Generally speaking, your mediation will be a series of meetings between you, your spouse, and your mediator. During those mediation sessions, your mediator will guide you through the decisions you need to make.
It’s important to note that the parties reach decisions in mediation, not the mediator. This is different than a judge in a courtroom, who makes decisions in the form of rulings. Arbitration is a private ADR process where the arbitrator, not the parties, decides.
You’ll work with your review counsel one-on-one before or after mediation sessions. During the meetings, you will review your decisions and legal advice. Additionally, you will ensure that you are comfortable with and understand the agreements you have made. At Freed Marcroft, we also prepare the final settlement agreement you reach.
If you have busy schedules or are located far apart, online mediation is also an excellent option.
Read: Arbitration & Divorce
Read: Connecticut Virtual Divorce Mediation Lawyer
What Kinds of Issues Can Be Resolved Through Mediation?
Mediation is a powerful tool for resolving any of the wide range of issues that arise during a divorce. In fact, mediation’s flexibility is one of its greatest strengths. Couples can address everything from dividing assets and debts to determining alimony and child support. Mediation can also be especially effective in creating detailed parenting plans that reflect your family’s unique dynamics and priorities. The process allows you to resolve both the legal and practical aspects of your divorce—like who keeps the family home or how holidays will be shared. By focusing on solutions tailored to your specific needs, mediation helps you move forward with a sense of clarity and control, ensuring the agreements you reach are designed to support your future.
Common Issues Addressed in Divorce Mediation
You can use mediation to address all of the issues that need to be decided in your divorce. These include property division, parenting, and alimony.
Property Division
One of the most significant topics is the division of assets and debts. Couples must determine how to fairly distribute their shared property, including everything from real estate to vehicles, bank accounts, and retirement savings. This process can be complex, particularly if the couple has accumulated significant assets over their marriage. The mediator facilitates this discussion, helping both parties understand the implications of their choices.
Child Custody
Parenting arrangements (including custody and visitation) are another critical issue often taking center stage in mediation. Mediating parents must work together to create a parenting plan prioritizing the children’s best interests. This plan may address physical custody, legal custody, and visitation schedules, as well as guidelines for co-parenting. The mediator guides parents through this sensitive topic, encouraging them to consider their children’s emotional and physical needs while navigating their own feelings of loss and change.
Alimony
Alimony is also commonly addressed in mediation. The couple may discuss whether one spouse will provide financial support to the other post-divorce, and if so, decide on the duration and amount. This can be a contentious issue, often involving discussions about contributions to the marriage, financial independence, security, and responsibility. Trained mediators help facilitate these discussions by encouraging transparency and fostering an understanding of each party’s financial situation.
What Happens During Mediation?
Each session focuses on key issues such as dividing assets, creating parenting plans, and addressing financial arrangements. The mediator facilitates productive discussions and helps the couple find common ground, but the decisions remain entirely in the hands of the parties. This structured, homework-based process not only fosters open communication but also gives the couple time to prepare for each step, making it easier to craft practical and forward-looking agreements.
Benefits of Divorce Mediation
Divorce mediation can offer several benefits over traditional divorce litigation. First, it can save time and money.
Mediation typically takes less time than going to court, as the parties have more control over the process and can work at their own pace. Plus, they aren’t waiting for the court’s schedule to accommodate hearing dates. Additionally, mediation generally costs less than litigation since it’s more efficient and amicable.
Furthermore, mediation can help reduce conflict and preserve relationships. The collaborative nature of mediation allows couples to maintain open lines of communication and work together to find solutions. This is especially good for kids, as it reduces the likelihood of the divorce negatively impacting them. It also sets the couple up to communicate better in the future as co-parents.
Another advantage of mediation is the flexibility and control it offers. In court, a judge makes the final decisions based on legal standards. In mediation, the couple has the freedom to create agreements tailored to their unique circumstances and preferences. This allows for more customized and creative solutions that better meet the needs of both spouses.
Last but not least, mediation is a convenient option for many divorcing couples because it offers flexibility and control over the process. Unlike court proceedings, mediation sessions can be scheduled at times that work best for both parties, avoiding the delays, unpredictability, and rigid timelines often associated with the court system. Additionally, mediation isn’t subject to the unpredictable scheduling issues of busy court dockets, meaning you can move at your own pace. With the availability of virtual and online divorce mediation, couples can participate from the private location of their choice, eliminating the need for travel and making the process even more accessible and efficient.
Read: Benefits of Divorce Mediation: A Guide for Couples Seeking an Amicable Separation
Confidentiality and Privacy in Mediation
Confidentiality is a fundamental principle of mediation. It provides a safe space for couples to discuss sensitive issues without fear of public exposure. Unlike court hearings, which are typically open to the public, mediation sessions are conducted in private. This confidentiality encourages open and honest communication. The goal is to allow spouses to express their true feelings and concerns without worrying about the consequences of their words being made public.
Confidentiality in mediation not only facilitates honest dialogue but also encourages spouses to be more forthcoming about their positions and interests. When people feel secure in sharing their thoughts, they are more likely to explore creative solutions they may not have come up with in a more adversarial setting. Ideally, this openness ultimately contributes to more satisfactory outcomes and helps preserve relationships.
Benefits of Hiring a Skilled Divorce Mediator
A divorce mediator plays a crucial role in facilitating the divorce process. They act as a neutral party, helping couples navigate the complexities of divorce and reach mutually agreeable settlements. A mediator helps a couple make their own choices instead of making decisions for them, unlike a judge.
One of the primary responsibilities of a divorce mediator is to create a safe and respectful environment for open communication. This helps both people express their needs and concerns without fear of judgment or retaliation. By fostering effective dialogue, a mediator helps couples find common ground and work towards solutions that meet their individual interests.
Of course, suppose one of the spouses doesn’t let the other speak or otherwise compromises the safe space of mediation. In that case, the divorce mediator may end the session or even withdraw from it.
Another important aspect of a divorce mediator’s role is to educate couples about the legal aspects of divorce. They provide information on the decisions Connecticut requires couples to make before a judge can grant a divorce. They may also provide information about relevant laws to help couples make informed decisions. This empowers individuals to take control of their divorce and promotes a sense of empowerment and autonomy.
Ultimately, the role of a divorce mediator is to guide couples toward reaching their own fair and amicable resolutions. They find and prioritize problems, help with negotiations, and assist in creating a legally binding agreement. A mediator helps both spouses understand each other’s point of view by considering the specific details of their situation.
Read: How to Find the Best Divorce Mediator Near Me
Can the Mediator Make Decisions for the Spouses?
No, a mediator does not make decisions for the parties—that’s one of the defining aspects of mediation and a key reason it empowers couples. At Freed Marcroft, we emphasize that the mediator’s role is to facilitate productive conversations, help identify common ground, and guide the parties toward mutually agreeable solutions. The decisions remain entirely in your hands, giving you the opportunity to craft an outcome that reflects your priorities and goals. This is what sets mediation apart from litigation, where a judge makes binding decisions. Instead, mediation puts you in the driver’s seat, with the mediator serving as a skilled guide to keep the process focused, balanced, and forward-looking.
If you are looking for a private, neutral third party to make decisions outside of court, consider arbitration.
Read: Arbitration & Divorce
Preparing for a Mediation Session
Preparation is key to a successful mediation session. Couples should approach mediation with a clear understanding of their goals and an open mind regarding potential solutions. Before the session, each party should take time to reflect on their priorities, such as financial stability and parenting arrangements. This self-assessment can help individuals articulate their needs more effectively during discussions.
Gathering relevant documentation is another crucial step in preparing for mediation. This may include financial statements, property deeds, tax returns, and any other pertinent information related to shared assets and liabilities. Sharing these documents in advance can facilitate informed discussions and help both parties make educated decisions. Additionally, being organized with this information demonstrates a commitment to the process and respect for the other party’s (and the mediator’s!) time.
Finally, emotional preparation is vital. Mediation can evoke strong feelings, and awareness of your emotional state can help you communicate more effectively. Participants should approach the session willing to listen and compromise, recognizing that the goal is to reach a mutually agreeable outcome. By preparing both practically and emotionally, couples can enhance the likelihood of a successful mediation experience.
Read: The Ultimate Divorce Mediation Checklist
Common Challenges in Divorce Mediation and How to Overcome Them
Of course, divorce mediation isn’t without its challenges. In fact, divorce mediation can present various challenges for couples. For some people, these challenges are too significant to overcome, and mediation isn’t the best divorce approach.
Others can overcome these challenges with the guidance of a skilled mediator and a commitment to open communication and cooperation. Here are some common challenges in divorce mediation and strategies for addressing them:
1. High conflict: Couples with a lot of fighting or intense feelings may find it hard to have helpful mediation sessions. In these situations, the mediator can use conflict resolution methods like keeping the parties apart or setting communication rules. The mediator can suggest counseling or therapy to help couples handle emotions and improve communication.
2. Power imbalances: Power imbalances occur when one party feels intimidated or dominated by the other. A good mediator recognizes and addresses imbalances. They aim to create a safe and supportive environment. In this environment, both people feel empowered to participate in the mediation.
3. Complex financial matters: Dividing assets, determining spousal support, and addressing financial issues can be complex and contentious. A skilled mediator with a strong understanding of financial matters can help couples navigate these complexities. They may recommend involving financial experts or provide resources to help couples make informed decisions.
4. Child custody and parenting issues: Co-parenting disputes can be emotionally charged and difficult to resolve. A mediator experienced in child custody matters can help couples develop parenting plans that prioritize the children’s best interests. They encourage open communication and assist in finding solutions that promote the well-being of the children. They may also recommend bringing in a child therapist to assist in crafting a parenting plan.
5. Lack of trust: Lack of trust between spouses is a leading factor in divorce. Divorce often erodes trust between couples. Rebuilding trust is crucial for effective mediation. A skilled mediator creates an atmosphere of trust and confidentiality, ensuring that both parties feel safe to share their concerns and needs. They may also suggest additional resources, such as counseling or support groups, to help couples rebuild trust and address underlying issues. Both spouses must commit to full transparency in providing relevant financial information and the like. If they don’t, the mediator may end the mediation.
If they can address these common challenges, couples can typically achieve a successful resolution in divorce mediation.
The Importance of Open Communication in Divorce Mediation
Open communication is the cornerstone of successful divorce mediation. It allows couples to express their needs, concerns, and desires openly, leading to more effective problem-solving and resolution.
This doesn’t mean that couples won’t have unresolved conflicts and emotional baggage when they engage in divorce mediation. After all, they are getting a divorce. That said, these emotions can create barriers to effective communication. However, a skilled mediator helps break down these barriers and fosters an environment that encourages open and honest dialogue.
During mediation sessions, the mediator facilitates active listening to help each feel respected and understood. This is designed to help build trust and allow couples to work collaboratively toward finding mutually agreeable solutions.
Open communication in divorce mediation also involves active problem-solving. The mediator encourages couples to find constructive solutions rather than dwell on past grievances. By shifting the focus to the future and prioritizing the best interests of both parties, couples can move forward with the divorce process more productively and positively.
Additionally, open communication allows couples to address any misunderstandings or miscommunications promptly. In divorce, miscommunication can lead to unnecessary conflicts and delays. A skilled mediator helps couples avoid misunderstandings and reach resolution more efficiently by fostering clear and open dialogue.
Ultimately, open communication promotes understanding, empathy, and cooperation in divorce mediation. It allows couples to voice their concerns, express their needs, and work together towards fair and amicable resolutions.
Can You Mediate Custody or Post Judgment Issues?
Yes, mediation isn’t only for divorce. You can mediate other family law matters, including legal separation, post-judgment, custody, and child support.
Are Divorce Mediation Agreements Binding?
Only Connecticut judges can order a marriage dissolved. Once you reach a complete settlement agreement via mediation, you submit that agreement to the court for review and approval. If the court approves your agreement, the judge will order that you are divorced and incorporate the terms of your settlement agreement into its ruling. That’s how your mediation agreement becomes a binding court order.
Read: How Is Divorce Mediation Different from Traditional Divorce Litigation?
Divorce Mediation vs Lawyer
A commonly asked question is about using a divorce mediator vs. a lawyer. As we discussed, Connecticut mediators are typically lawyers but don’t function as either spouse’s attorney when they serve as mediators. You can hire a mediation lawyer – mediation review counsel – and still mediate your dissolution. If you want to mediate, it’s critical that you retain an attorney who understands the role of review counsel. Otherwise, you could wind up with divorce litigation.
If you are deciding between a divorce mediation or litigation, it’s essential to know that not all litigation is high conflict or ends up in a trial.
Read: What’s the Difference Between a Divorce Mediator and Lawyer?
Can We Use One Lawyer for Our Divorce?
No. In Connecticut, one lawyer cannot represent both parties in a divorce. However, a lawyer can be a neutral mediator to help spouses agree on their divorce. That said, when a lawyer serves as a mediator, she doesn’t represent either spouse and can’t give either party legal advice. That’s why we recommend each spouse retain review counsel.
Read: Why Mediate Your Divorce: 6 Key Benefits
Mediation vs. Collaborative Divorce
Both mediation and collaborative divorce are forms of ADR. One of the key differences is that in a mediation, the parties meet with the neutral mediator together and their respective review counsel separately. In a collaborative divorce, each spouse has an attorney participating in the collaborative sessions.
Read: Collaboration or Mediation?
Read: What Are the Big Differences Between Mediation and Collaborative Divorce?
How Much Does Divorce Mediation Cost?
Divorce mediation in CT costs between $5,000 and $12,500 on average. Actual expenses depend on factors like the complexity of the issues, the couple’s ability to read agreements, the number of sessions, and the mediator’s experience and background.
Read: Demystifying the Cost of Divorce Mediation: What You Need to Know
Who Pays for Divorce Mediation?
One of the nice things about mediation is that you can decide how to pay for the divorce mediation right in the mediation. Some spouses use a joint credit card or bank account to cover mediation costs. Others choose to split mediation fees 50/50. In some cases, one spouse covers more of the cost of mediation than the other. There’s no hard and fast rule — it’s up to the two of you.
Read: How to Help Keep Your Legal Fees Down
How Do I Decide Whether Mediation Is Right For Me?
Deciding whether mediation is right for your situation is a deeply personal decision that depends on things specific to you and your family. While mediation offers many benefits, such as allowing you to maintain control over the outcome of your divorce and fostering a more cooperative process, it isn’t the best fit for everyone. That’s why it’s critical to speak with an experienced divorce attorney as you make your decision. We can provide personalized advice about whether mediation is the best approach for you based on the specific nuances of your situation.
Here are some considerations to help you begin evaluating if mediation might work for you:
- Your Ability to Communicate: Mediation hinges on open and respectful communication between both parties. If you and your spouse are willing to engage in constructive discussions, mediation may be a good fit. However, if there’s a significant power imbalance, a history of manipulation, or abuse, another approach might be more appropriate.
- Mutual Commitment to Candor: Mediation requires both spouses to be transparent and honest. If there’s a concern that someone may hide or misrepresent assets, income, or other critical information, a more formal process like litigation—which includes discovery mechanisms—may provide better safeguards to ensure a fair outcome.
- Your Goals for the Process: Mediation works well for people who want to take an active role in crafting their agreements and are willing to compromise to achieve mutually beneficial solutions. If you’re looking for a more flexible, customized process that minimizes courtroom involvement, mediation might align with your priorities. However, if you prefer the support of a lawyer by your side during settlement discussions, a collaborative divorce may be the right approach for you.
- Complexity of Issues: Mediation can still be effective even if your divorce involves complex financial matters or emotionally charged parenting issues. A mediator can help guide the process, and an attorney can ensure your interests are protected and you’re fully informed before reaching agreements.
Ultimately, the best way to decide whether mediation is the best path is to work with a knowledgeable divorce attorney. They’ll evaluate your circumstances and help you understand your options and make a decision. What’s most important is choosing the process that most closely aligns with your needs and sets you up for the future you envision.
Read: Red Flags: When Mediation Isn’t the Best Option
Next Steps
Please check out our Divorce Information and Facts for more information about Connecticut divorce and family law. If you have questions or want to learn more about how our team of divorce attorneys can help you, please get in touch with us here.
Updated October 16, 2024.
