Top 10 Red Flags in a Marriage that Lead to Divorce (and How to Fix Them)
Updated November 27, 2023
Marriage is beautiful, but it’s not beautiful each and every day. Every relationship has its ups and downs, but some issues are more serious than others. As divorce lawyers, time and time again, we have seen the marriage red flags that, if left unchecked, tend to fester and lead to divorce. But don’t worry; it’s not all doom and gloom. By identifying these red flags early on and taking the necessary steps to fix them, you can build a stronger bond with your spouse and even strengthen your marriage. In this article, we’ll be exploring the top 10 red flags in a marriage that lead to divorce and providing you with actionable tips on how to address them. Whether you’re experiencing trust issues, communication breakdowns, financial struggles, or any other common marital problems, we’ve got you covered.
So, let’s dive into the world of marriage red flags and how to fix them.
Please note that this article is not intended to assist with situations where there is emotional or physical abuse. If you fear for your own safety or anyone else’s, please get somewhere safe and contact the police.
Red Flag #1: Lack of communication
Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It is the key to understanding each other’s thoughts, feelings, and needs. When communication breaks down in a marriage, it can be a major red flag that can lead to divorce. If you find that you and your partner are not talking as much as you used to, or you’re having trouble listening to each other, it’s time to take action.
To fix this issue, start by setting aside time each day to talk to your spouse. It can be as simple as taking a few minutes to ask about their day or sharing something interesting that happened to you. You can also try couples counseling or therapy to help improve your communication skills. Remember that communication is a two-way street, so be sure to listen as much as you talk.
For more: 10 Ways to Improve Communication in Your Marriage and Strengthen Your Relationship
Red Flag #2: Constant Arguing
Arguing is a normal part of any relationship, but when it becomes constant, it can be a major red flag. If you find that you and your partner are arguing more often than not, it’s time to take a step back and evaluate your relationship.
To fix this issue, start by identifying the root cause of the arguments. Is it something specific, like money or family issues, or is it a more general problem like lack of respect? Once you’ve identified the cause, work together to find a solution. This might mean compromising, setting boundaries, or seeking outside help.
Red Flag #3: Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the most common reasons for divorce. It can be devastating to find out that your spouse has been unfaithful, but it doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage. If you suspect that your partner is cheating, it’s important to address the issue head-on.
To fix this issue, start by having an open and honest conversation with your spouse. Ask them to explain what happened and why. It’s important to listen without judgment and to express your own feelings. If you’re willing to work on your relationship, consider couples therapy or counseling to help you move forward.
Red Flag #4: Lack of Intimacy
Intimacy is an important part of any marriage, and when it’s lacking, it can be a major red flag. If you find that you and your partner are not as physically or emotionally connected as you used to be, it’s time to take action.
To fix this issue, start by having an open and honest conversation with your spouse about your needs and desires. It might be helpful to schedule a date night or weekend getaway to help rekindle the spark. You can also explore each other’s interests and hobbies.
Red Flag #5: Financial Problems
Money is a common source of stress in any marriage. If you and your spouse are struggling financially, it can be a major red flag that can lead to divorce. It’s important to address this issue early on before it spirals out of control.
To fix this issue, start by creating a budget together and sticking to it. You can also consider seeking outside help, such as a financial advisor or credit counselor. It’s important to be open and honest about your financial situation and to work together to find a solution.
Read: Money Matters in Marriage: Understanding the Root Causes of Financial Conflict
Red Flag #6: Different Goals and Values
When couples have different goals and values, it can be a major red flag that can lead to divorce. It’s important to be on the same page about your future together and to work towards common goals.
To fix this issue, start by having an open and honest conversation about your goals and values. It’s important to listen to each other and to be open to compromise. You can also try couples counseling or therapy to help you work through any differences.
Red Flag #7: Lack of Support and Respect
Support and respect are key components of any healthy relationship. When one spouse feels unsupported or disrespected, it can be a major red flag that can lead to divorce. It’s important to show your spouse that you care and that you respect them.
To fix this issue, start by making an effort to show your partner that you appreciate them. This might mean doing something thoughtful or small, like bringing them their favorite coffee or leaving a love note. You can also try couples counseling or therapy to help improve your communication and support each other.
Red Flag #8: Controlling Behavior
Controlling behavior is a major red flag in any relationship. It can take many forms, such as jealousy, possessiveness, or manipulation. If you find that your spouse is trying to control you, it’s important to address the issue head-on.
To fix this issue, start by setting boundaries and communicating your needs clearly. It’s important to stand up for yourself and to be firm in your boundaries. If the behavior continues, consider seeking outside help or counseling.
We know we said it before, but it bears repeating — if you fear for your own safety or anyone else’s, please get somewhere safe and contact the police.
Red Flag #9: Substance Abuse
Substance abuse is a major red flag. It can be dangerous, devastating for both partners, and can lead to divorce if left unchecked. If you or your spouse is struggling with substance abuse, it’s important to seek help as soon as possible.
To fix this issue, seek professional help. This might mean going to rehab or attending support groups. It’s important to be supportive and understanding of your spouse, but also to take care of yourself and set boundaries.
Red Flag #10: Untreated Mental Health Issues
Untreated depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder create difficult situations in any relationship. If you or your spouse is struggling with mental health issues, it’s important to seek help and support.
To fix this issue, start by seeking professional help. This might mean supporting your partner in going to therapy or taking medication (and taking the brave step of getting there yourself). It’s important to be supportive and understanding of your partner, but also to take care of yourself and set boundaries.
How to Fix Red Flags
The best way to fix these red flags is to address them early on and take action. This might mean seeking professional help, setting boundaries, or having an open and honest conversation with your spouse. Remember that communication is key, and it’s important to listen as much as you talk.
Remember, you can’t fix your marriage on your own. It takes two. All you can do is your best.
Tips for Strengthening a Marriage:
Strengthening a marriage takes time and effort, but it is possible with the right tools and mindset. Here are some tips to help you strengthen your marriage:
- Take care of yourself.
- Communicate openly and honestly with your spouse.
- Schedule regular date nights to reconnect with your spouse.
- Practice forgiveness and let go of past hurts.
- Work together to create a budget that works for both of you.
- Show appreciation and gratitude for your spouse.
- Make time for intimacy and physical connection.
- Seek professional help when needed.
Seeking Professional Help
If you’re struggling with any of these red flags, it might be helpful to seek professional help. This might mean going to couples counseling or therapy or seeking help from a financial advisor or addiction specialist. Remember that it’s okay to ask for help — in fact, it’s a sign of strength.
What If My Marriage Doesn’t Improve?
It takes two people to improve a marriage. If your spouse isn’t participating in improving your marriage (like refusing to attend couples therapy or attending but “phoning it in,” it might be time to consider your options. Let us know if we can be of assistance in helping you sort it out.
Next Steps
Marriage is a beautiful union between two people, but it’s not perfect. Every relationship has its ups and downs, but some issues are more serious than others. By identifying these red flags early on and taking the necessary steps to fix them, you can build a stronger bond with your spouse and even strengthen your marriage. Remember that communication is key, and it’s important to listen as much as you talk.
If you’re struggling, seek professional help, and remember that it’s okay to ask for help.
We are also here if you are considering divorce and want to learn more.
