The Gift Of Clarity: 5 Reasons Why This Holiday Season Is The Right Time To File For Divorce
For some, the holidays mean a time of joy, rest, family, and celebration. For others, it usually means a time of chaos, stress, and obligatory events or traditions you wish you could skip. If you find yourself in the latter category, and have also been considering filing for divorce from your spouse, your stress levels are likely double what they usually are during this time of year. You might think that waiting until January to begin divorce proceedings is the right choice, but you could be making a mistake by putting it off. In this blog, we’ll be giving you an alternate perspective, and providing the five reasons why this holiday season is actually the right time to finally take the first official step of ending your marriage.
#1: This is supposed to be a season of joy. If your marriage isn’t making you happy, it’s time to end it.
If your marriage is causing you more pain than happiness, it’s time to acknowledge that a change is necessary. Your spouse should contribute to your overall well-being and contentment. If this isn’t true anymore, you’re likely only jeopardizing your emotional health and putting your needs and desires last. This simply isn’t what a marriage should look like.
There won’t be anything enjoyable about your holidays if you find yourself faking civility with your spouse, both in private and in public. There will be many events and parties you’ll have to attend together, and pretending to be in a loving marriage when you’re desperate to be free may feel impossible. You’ll also likely have to contend with your in-laws and your spouse’s extended family at some point; are you willing to wear a mask for each occasion?
It can be daunting to decide to change your family structure when this is supposed to be a season of togetherness, but it is likely the most compassionate choice for everyone involved. If you’re under the impression that waiting until after the holidays is the better time to file because you don’t want to ruin this time for your children, you’re underestimating their ability to sense when things aren’t right. They may be just as on edge as you are and waiting for the other shoe to drop, especially if the conflict between their parents has been brewing for some time. Being honest – and perhaps even a little vulnerable – with them might be one of the best gifts you can give them this season.
#2: If you are in an abusive or toxic marriage, the holiday schedule doesn’t matter.
If your safety or your children are in danger, it is imperative that you remove yourself from your abusive marriage immediately, regardless of the holidays. Contact law enforcement if needed, and then contact an aggressive divorce attorney who can also assist in the restraining order process. No holiday is worth sacrificing your health and safety, nor that of your children.
If your marriage is not abusive, but it is toxic, it can still be damaging to your mental, emotional, and physical health to stay, even for one more day. Toxic spouses usually have a few tell-tale signs, such as acting violently, having no sense of responsibility, exhibiting emotionally abusive behaviors (such as name-calling, insults, gaslighting, narcissistic tendencies, etc.), cheating, alienating you from friends or loved ones, lying about finances, and more.
Toxic relationships are proven to severely impact your mental health and damage your self-esteem, cause you to feel immensely insecure, reduce your energy levels and your overall happiness. In severe cases, you may even develop depression, detach from reality, or harm yourself. Choose yourself this holiday season.
#3: The holidays present more time and opportunities for support from loved ones and others.
You’ll need the support and comfort of your close friends and loved ones after making such a major life decision, and there is no better time than the holidays. Spending time around those who add to your happiness, instead of detracting from it, can remind you why you are making this choice: life is too short to waste on people and relationships that aren’t fulfilling.
You can also find support from a skilled and experienced family attorney who can examine your circumstances and give you advice and guidance tailored to your unique situation. Choosing representation that understands – and supports – your goals is especially crucial, but will always give you the honest truth, even when it may be hard to hear.
#4: Waiting any longer to end your marriage could give your spouse false hope that it can be salvaged.
Choosing to wait until after the holidays could send your spouse the wrong message, especially if there has been an increased amount of conflict recently or you’ve hinted at divorce. Many couples take advantage of this time of year to rekindle their passion and romance, and by not ending the marriage, you may be sending the message that your marital problems are temporary and that you simply need this time to reconnect.
Your judgment may even be clouded by the togetherness and enchanting aura of this time of year, leaving you to question why you wanted to end the marriage in the first place. You likely did not come to this conclusion lightly, and the issues in your relationship have been there for years. They are likely to pop up again after the New Year, and by then, you have invested another several months into something you knew, deep down, was always going to end.
#5: The New Year could mean a fresh start and a new, brighter future.
Every year, we tend to circle back to the mantra of “New Year, New Me!” But, have you ever actually acted on it? Deciding to finally file for divorce could truly mean starting the new year as the “new you.” The “you” who puts yourself, your goals, your vision, and your needs first! You probably haven’t been in the driver’s seat of your own life for quite some time. Don’t you think it’s time you regain control of your future?
If you answered yes, there is nobody better to get you there than us. Freed Marcroft is a different kind of law firm, and we are proud of that. Call today to schedule your consultation with a member of our team and let us help you give yourself the gift of clarity this holiday season!