When Reality Doesn’t Match Up with Your Vision
At Freed Marcroft, we spend a lot of time encouraging our clients to figure out their goals. If you could wave a magic wand, what would you want? But sometimes in divorce and family law, what you want isn’t likely, or in some cases, even possible.
What do you do then? Fold up your tent? No. You figure out the closest version of your dream given the current reality of your situation.
Let’s run this through a hypothetical to see how it works.
Let’s assume you’ve fallen in love, and your new partner lives in Florida. You currently share custody with your children’s other parent in Connecticut, and the kids spend substantial time with both of you. Now let’s say that – if absolutely anything were possible – your dream is that the whole lot of you – you, the kids, your co-parent – all move from Connecticut to Florida.
Is it possible that your co-parent would agree to move to Florida? Sure. Stranger things have happened. But what happens if they don’t agree?
Accurately Assess Reality
First, you need an accurate assessment of your current reality to figure out how to get to the closest expression of your vision.
To get that reality check, it makes sense to get advice from candid, experienced divorce counsel. You don’t want to be “yessed” or “fluffed up.” You want to know the truth so that you can make actual decisions. (Our divorce attorneys are committed truth-tellers. If you don’t want to hear it straight, don’t hire Freed Marcroft.)
Now, let’s say your hypothetical attorney tells you that, assuming the children are safe with both parents, it’s doubtful that a Court would order that one parent can relocate the children that far away from their other parent.
What’s the Closest Expression of Your Goal, Given Your Reality?
Now that you have an accurate assessment of your reality thanks to your attorney, your next step is to ask yourself how you can get to the closest expression of your vision, given the reality that the Court will not order that you will not be moving to Florida.
Given this reality, what are some steps you can take to get closer to your vision?
• You could see whether your new partner would agree to move to Connecticut.
• You could see whether both your co-parent and new partner would agree to move to a different state.
• You could investigate spending your vacation time with the children visiting your new partner.
• You could visit your new partner during the children’s vacation time with your co-parent.
• You could decide to move to Florida when your children go to college.
While the reality is that you will not be able to move to Florida with your kids and your co-parent without your co-parent’s agreement, by sticking to your goal and acknowledging your current reality, you can create a way to express your vision in a different form.
Continue to take small steps in the direction of your goal. They not only get you closer to living your dream, but they also help you get clearer about the form that your dream will ultimately take.