The Role of a Child’s Preference in Connecticut Custody Cases: Separating Myth from Reality

In Connecticut, many parents want to know how much weight judges give a child’s preference about custody decisions. This is a natural question, but it’s often quite misunderstood. For example, some Connecticut parents believe that a child’s choice will automatically determine the outcome. In fact, the truth is much more nuanced. Connecticut courts prioritize the child’s best interests, and while a child’s voice can play a role in determining what that is, it’s only one part of the bigger picture.

At Freed Marcroft, we guide parents through the complexities of Connecticut divorce and custody cases with honesty and clarity. Our goal is to empower you with an accurate understanding of how the courts handle sensitive issues like a child’s preference. In this article, we explain how factors such as age, maturity, and the reasons behind a child’s opinion influence how much weight a court might give to their wishes.

By separating fact from fiction, you can approach custody issues with a clear strategy. Our experienced family law attorneys are here to help you focus on what matters most: your child’s well-being.

Understanding the Role of a Child’s Preference in Custody Decisions

It is possible for Connecticut judges to consider a child’s preference when making decisions on custody. In every Connecticut custody case, the courts must make custody determinations based on what’s in the child’s best interests. That means looking at the big picture, not just one piece.

Parents sometimes assume that if their child says they want to live with one parent, that’s the end of the story. It isn’t. While the court may take the child’s preference into account, it’s only one of many factors judges consider. The Connecticut statutes lay out 17 factors that judges may consider when determining what’s in a child’s best interest. Note that we said “may” – the judge isn’t required to consider every factor in every case. Moreover, the judge isn’t limited to those 17 factors. And, judges have discretion regarding how to weigh the importance of those various factors based on the family’s unique circumstances.

The court evaluates the child’s emotional and physical needs, stability, and how the custody arrangement impacts their development. In short, while a child’s preference may be a contributing factor, it’s generally not determinative.

For parents, understanding this balance is crucial. If your child has expressed a preference, it’s essential to present it in a way that aligns with the broader framework of their best interests. The focus should always remain on creating a custody arrangement that supports the child’s long-term well-being.

Factors Connecticut Courts Consider in Custody Cases

Connecticut courts look at various aspects of the child’s life when determining custody, going far beyond their stated preference.

Some of the key factors include:

• The Parent-Child Relationship: Courts assess the bond between the child and each parent. A meaningful and positive relationship is often a strong indicator of stability and emotional health.
• Stability and Environment: Judges consider each parent’s ability to provide a nurturing and consistent home. This includes factors like living conditions, involvement in the child’s education, and overall parenting style.
• Developmental and Emotional Needs: The court evaluates what each parent offers in terms of emotional support, development, and day-to-day care.

A child’s preference may weigh more heavily if it aligns with these broader factors. For example, if a child wants to live with one parent because they feel safe and supported, that preference carries more weight than one based on temporary frustration with the other parent.

Debunking Myths About a Child’s Preference in Custody Cases

There are many myths surrounding a child’s role in custody decisions. Here are three of the most common — and the truths behind them:

• Myth: A child’s preference is the deciding factor.
  • Reality: While Connecticut courts may consider a child’s wishes, they are just one piece of the puzzle. The focus remains on what’s best for the child overall.
• Myth: Only older children’s preferences matter.
  • Reality: Connecticut courts consider preferences from children of all ages, but they may weigh them differently depending on the child’s maturity and ability to express meaningful reasons behind their choice.
• Myth: Sharing a child’s preference looks like manipulation.
  • Reality: When done thoughtfully and respectfully, sharing your child’s feelings may help the court better understand their needs. That said, problems arise when preferences are or appear coached or coerced.

Age When Courts Consider a Child’s Preference When Determining Custody

Under Connecticut law, there is no magical age at which a family court considers a child’s opinion on custody. Instead, the law focuses on whether a child is “of sufficient age” to express an intelligent preference about their living arrangements. Generally, judges begin to give more weight to the opinions of children around 12 or 13 years old. For younger children, especially those under five, the courts typically do not consider their preferences because they lack the maturity to make such decisions.

How Judges Evaluate a Children’s Preferences When It Comes to Custody

Even when the court decides to consider a child’s preference, it’s important to understand that their wishes are only one piece of a much larger puzzle. Judges in Connecticut have broad discretion in custody matters and may decide that a child’s preference is either relevant or irrelevant based on the case’s unique circumstances.

When it takes a child’s opinion into account, the court examines:

• The child’s maturity.
• Whether the child’s reasoning is logical and free from external pressure.
• The context of the child’s preferences—for instance, is one parent overly permissive or attempting to influence the child’s decision?

Again, even a mature child’s preference does not automatically dictate the outcome of a custody case. Instead, the court weighs the child’s opinion against other vital factors to determine what arrangement serves the child’s best interests.

How Does the Court Learn a Child’s Opinion on Custody?

A child can wind up on the stand in a divorce or custody dispute, but this is often avoided. As you can imagine, this can be traumatic and counterproductive for the child – and increase discord and conflict in the family.   

The court often involves professionals like a guardian ad litem or custody evaluator to help elicit the child’s voice without pressure. These professionals are trained to assess the child’s needs and help convey them to the court.

Judges may also speak directly with older children privately, depending on their maturity. However, this isn’t a formal testimony. Instead, it’s an opportunity for the court to better understand the child’s emotional state and wishes. Notably, the court also examines the reasons behind the child’s preference to determine if it reflects their long-term best interests.

It’s important to note that forms of alternative dispute resolution (ADR) like mediation and collaborative divorce keep sensitive matters like custody out of court.  They can help the parents explore what’s in their child’s best interest privately, without anyone setting foot in a court room.  Amicable divorce benefits both parents and children.

The Role of Age and Maturity

Age and maturity are significant factors in how courts assess a child’s preference. Older children, especially teenagers, may be more able to express thoughtful opinions about custody. Younger children’s preferences might be less developed, but sometimes, they can still provide meaningful insight through professionals like therapists or evaluators.

Regardless of age, the court considers whether a child’s preference reflects a well-reasoned desire for a safe and supportive environment or something more temporary, like frustration over a recent disagreement with one parent.

Why Judges Proceed with Caution When Considering a Child’s Custody Preference

Custody decisions are never easy, and judges must tread carefully when considering a child’s preferences. Children often feel caught in the middle of their parents’ conflict and may express preferences based more on emotion than reason. For example, a child might prefer to live with the parent with fewer rules, not because it’s in their best interest, but because it feels easier or more fun in the short term. Judges try to distinguish between preferences rooted in genuine insight and those influenced by external pressures or misunderstandings.

Upsides of Considering a Child’s Preference on Custody

1. It Can Honor the Child’s Voice

Giving a child the chance to express their preference acknowledges their feelings. When children feel heard, it can validate their emotions and provide some sense of control in an otherwise turbulent situation.

2. It Can Offer Valuable Insight

A child’s perspective can shed light on the family dynamics. Maybe they feel a stronger connection with one parent or feel more comfortable in one home environment. This information can help the court craft a custody arrangement that better aligns with the child’s needs.

3. It Can Build Confidence

For older children, expressing their thoughts can be a step in learning self-advocacy. Allowing them to weigh in on major life decisions can foster maturity and self-confidence — traits that will serve them well beyond the custody decision.

Downsides of Considering a Child’s Preference Regarding Custody

1. It Can Put Pressure on the Child

Choosing between parents can feel like an impossible burden. Most children love both parents and fear that expressing a preference could hurt one or both of them. This pressure can lead to anxiety, guilt, and feelings of divided loyalty.

2. It Can Open the Door to Manipulation

When a child’s preference is a potential factor in court, some parents may (intentionally or unintentionally) influence the child. This might take the form of bribery, favoritism, or negative talk about the other parent. This dynamic can create a toxic environment and put children in the middle of their parents’ conflict.

3. Preferences Aren’t Always Well-Reasoned

Children, especially younger ones, may develop opinions based on short-term desires rather than long-term needs. For example, a child might prefer the parent who lets them stay up late or avoid chores — even if that environment isn’t ultimately the healthiest for them.

4. It Risks Alienating a Parent

Revealing a child’s preference in court can be emotionally damaging to the child’s relationship with the “non-preferred” parent. Even though the child’s preference isn’t a judgment of parental worth, it may still strain or damage the relationship between the child and that parent.

Supporting Your Child’s Voice in Custody Cases

As a parent, your role is critical in ensuring your child’s preferences are heard in a way that prioritizes their well-being. Here are some tips:

1. Encourage Open Communication: Create a safe space for your child to share their feelings about divorce without fear of judgment or pressure.
2. Avoid Putting Them in the Middle: Never ask your child to choose sides or discuss contentious issues with them.
3. Seek Professional Guidance: Therapists or counselors can help your child process their feelings and articulate their preferences constructively.

By focusing on your child’s emotional health, you’ll support them during a difficult time and present yourself as a parent who prioritizes their best interests.

Balancing Preferences with Best Interests

A child’s preference is only one potential part of the custody decision-making process. Connecticut courts take a holistic approach, weighing all factors to determine what arrangement will genuinely serve the child’s best interests. By understanding how a child’s voice fits into this broader context, parents can advocate effectively while ensuring their child feels heard and supported.

Next Steps

At Freed Marcroft, we believe that knowledge is power. Understanding how courts view a child’s preference in custody matters can help parents approach these challenging issues with clarity and confidence. While it can be difficult to hear that your child’s wishes are not the sole determining factor, it’s necessary to understand the reality of how courts view these issues so that you can make the best decisions for your family.  

If you have questions about custody or any other family law matter, we’re here to help. Our team takes pride in giving you the straight answers you need to make decisions that protect your family and set the foundation for a brighter tomorrow. Contact us today to learn more about how we can guide you through this process with compassion and skill.