I was recently speaking with someone whose divorce was finalized about a year ago. He shared that when he looked back at it, his biggest challenge after the divorce was his self-esteem — and a major part of that was simply that he didn’t feel physically attractive. Frankly, this is a fairly common refrain from both men and women who have recently divorced.
It’s not a surprise, as divorce can be one of the most difficult things a person can go through. It takes its toll on every aspect of your life, and can cause tremendous self-doubt. Feeling confident in your physical appearance is a critical factor in your self-esteem, which is one of the reasons that at Freed Marcroft we encourage clients to make the time to take care of themselves physically. As we have discussed before, getting outside to exercise, taking up yoga, and eating well help you look and feel better.
On National Compliment Your Mirror Day, take a brief moment to compliment yourself, and reflect (see what I did there) on how much you have learned and how much you have grown. As Edgar Lee Masters wrote in his Spoon River Anthology:
My mind was a mirror:
It saw what it saw, it knew what it knew.
In my youth my mind was just a mirror
In a rapidly flying car,
Which catches and loses bits of the landscape.
Then in time
Great scratches were made on the mirror,
Letting the outside world come in,
And letting my inner self look out.
For this is the birth of the soul in sorrow,
A birth with gains and losses.
The mind sees the world as a thing apart,
And the soul makes the world at one with itself.
A mirror scratched reflects no image –
And this is the silence of wisdom.
So celebrate your scratches, you have earned them. Go ahead and give yourself a compliment and some real credit for being as strong as you have been. Focus on seeing your divorce not as something you failed at, but as something you overcame. Know that you deserve both to be treated well and to feel attractive on both the inside and the outside.
And that gentleman I mentioned above? He found a new physical activity that he loves and reports he’s actually feeling stronger now than he did in his 20s.
Here’s to a happy and healthy Summer for all.
Freed Marcroft’s attorneys know that divorce and child custody aren’t just legal processes — they are emotional processes as well. We guide select clients through the legal aspects of divorce while remaining mindful of their overall wellness.