5 Things to Think About If You are Considering Divorce
Have you been considering divorce? With kids, finances, and highly-charged emotions in the mix, it’s hardly a straightforward decision. Only you can know whether divorce is right for you, but you may need some guidance to steer you towards the right decision. Keep these questions in mind before you plan your next steps.
5 Things To Think About If You Are Considering Divorce
1) Has an outside stressor put unreasonable strain on your relationship?
If you feel there has been a sharp rise in conflict in your marriage lately, ask yourself whether the relationship has been under more severe strain. Problems like financial difficulty, loss, and fertility issues can add stress to any relationship. Even if neither of you are “at fault” for your circumstances, you may feel tempted to place blame on your spouse. Be honest with yourself: are these outside stressors making you feel as though your marriage is broken? Can you still find a way to resolve your issues as a team?
2) Is the decision reactive or reasonable?
When you think about divorce, are you thinking from a clear and rational standpoint? Thoughts of divorce can sometimes spring up as an emotional reaction—after a heated argument, for example. If your thoughts of divorce disappear once you’ve had time to calm down, you may have been thinking from an emotionally-charged perspective. Push yourself to make a sincere and well-reasoned choice.
3) How will your kids cope?
Most of us know now that, in spite of traditional viewpoints, divorce isn’t necessarily bad for your children. In fact, they may be better off in a less conflict-ridden environment, rather than a forced situation with two parents who don’t get along anymore. Still, it’s important to consider the particulars of your family: do you have a newborn, or a child who has recently changed schools? Are these good enough reasons to delay your divorce, or give it more thought, until you find better timing?
4) Are you prepared for the changes ahead?
If you’re reading this article, you may already have one foot out the door. Still, have you thought about how your life will look after divorce? Think about how it might affect your home, your work life, your (and your kids’) economic stability, and other aspects of your life. You may be stuck on picturing your new-found freedom, but also try to prepare yourself for the emotional, financial, and other hardships you may need to face.
5) Will you be able to collaborate with your ex?
If you sincerely think your marriage needs to end, ask yourself whether you can take some of your hard feelings out of the equation. After all, it may be possible for you to choose an alternative route for your divorce, such as mediation or collaborative divorce. These options are often less stressful and time-consuming compared to divorce by litigation, and they may also be much easier on your kids. They do require a more cooperative attitude, however, so you may need to encourage a more amicable split with your ex-spouse.
Now that you know some of the things to think about when you are considering a divorce, you may be interested in learning more about the different approaches to divorce in Connecticut. At Freed Marcroft, we have helped hundreds of people move forward to a better life. At our first step, the Goals & Planning Conference, we start by working through these questions with you to help you figure out your goals. If you decide that divorce is part of what you need to do to get you to the future you want, we can help you. If it isn’t, we will support you and help you figure out what you need to get you there instead.