Why Staying Married During an Affair Can Be a Really Bad Idea for Your Divorce

At first glance, staying married while having an affair might seem like the path of least resistance. Some people believe it’s easier than facing the challenges of divorce. However, this choice can have significant legal and financial consequences if you ultimately decide to divorce (or your spouse decides to divorce!) in the future. Here are three important reasons why staying married during an affair could work against you when it’s time to end your marriage.

Staying Married During an Affair Makes an Amicable Divorce Much Harder and Less Likely

When your spouse finds out about an affair, it often leads to feelings of betrayal and hurt that can make an amicable divorce nearly impossible.  Divorces where both parties cooperate tend to be more amicable — in other words, faster, less expensive, and less emotionally draining.  However, introducing an affair into the equation can trigger conflict, resentment, and a breakdown of trust that complicates everything from negotiations to co-parenting.

Even if your affair remains undiscovered while you’re married, secrets have a way of coming to light during the divorce process. When this happens, it can heighten tensions and derail efforts to settle matters peacefully, leading to a prolonged and contentious legal battle.

Read: How to Have an Amicable Divorce

Staying Married During an Affair Means a Longer Marriage, Which Can Mean Splitting More Property—and Paying More Alimony

The longer you stay married, the more likely you are to accumulate assets that will be divided in a divorce. In Connecticut, marital property includes nearly everything acquired during the marriage, regardless of whose name is on the title. By delaying a divorce, you may end up splitting more assets with your spouse than if you had acted sooner.

Additionally, the duration of the marriage can also affect alimony awards. Connecticut courts often consider the length of the marriage when determining alimony payments.  In other words, it’s more likely for courts to award alimony in longer marriages. And, the longer the marriage, the more likely the court will award more alimony for a longer duration. By staying married while you’re also having an affair, you may inadvertently increase your financial obligations in a future divorce.

Read: How Does Infidelity Affect Alimony Awards

Divorce Courts May Penalize Extramarital Affairs

Connecticut is an “equitable distribution” state, meaning courts aim to divide marital property fairly, though not equally. While fault doesn’t always play a significant role, the cause of the marriage’s breakdown is something courts can consider. In other words, your affair becomes part of the divorce proceedings, it could influence how property is divided.

Moreover, courts take a dim view of situations when one spouse spends marital funds on an extramarital affair. The judge may consider money spent on gifts, trips, or other expenses related to an affair as “dissipation of marital assets.” When this happens, the court could adjust the division of property to account for the funds you spent outside the marriage. Sometimes, the court may also weigh property distribution more in your spouse’s favor.

Read: How Does Infidelity Affect Property Division

The Bottom Line

While staying married during an affair might seem easier in the short term, it can create significant challenges if you decide to divorce later. The complications introduced by an affair can make the process longer, more expensive, and more contentious. Additionally, the financial repercussions—from splitting more assets to potential penalties for dissipating marital funds—can be substantial.

Read: When to Leave a Marriage

Next Steps

If you’re considering divorce, it’s essential to understand the potential impact of your actions and make informed decisions about your future. At Freed Marcroft, we help clients navigate the complexities of divorce with clarity and confidence. Contact us to schedule a discussion and learn how we can support you in creating the future you deserve.