Why Does Divorce Feel Like It Takes So Long?: Timing Frustrations and How to Manage Your Expectations

Divorce and family law clients often tell us that one of the most frustrating parts of the process is the waiting—waiting for the next step, waiting on the court, waiting on the other side. Even though we prepare our clients for the reality that divorce takes time, it still feels frustrating when so much of that time is outside of their control.

But here’s the thing: Understanding these timing challenges in advance empowers you to manage your expectations and make decisions based on reality—not frustration.  The more you know what to expect, the more you can approach your divorce with clarity, patience, and a strategy grounded in what’s actually possible.

One thing that’s always true about timing?  The sooner you begin, the sooner it’s over.  While no one can control every aspect of the timeline, delaying the start of the process only prolongs the uncertainty.

At Freed Marcroft, we believe in telling it like it is, so let’s break down the biggest timing frustrations and why they happen so you can plan accordingly.

1. “Why Is This Taking So Long?” The Divorce Timeline Reality Check

Most people assume divorce will move quickly—especially if both spouses agree it’s time to end the marriage. But in Connecticut, even the smoothest divorces take time because (1) there’s a legal process involved and (2) humans are involved.

The average divorce takes months, not weeks, and more complex cases can stretch beyond a year.

Factors that can impact timing:

✔ Court schedules and required waiting periods

✔ The complexity of finances or custody matters

✔ How quickly both spouses provide information and documents

✔ Whether the case settles or goes to contested hearings or trial

✔ Each spouse’s willingness to negotiate and actively participate in the process

✔ How the spouses prioritize outcome, expense, and timing

Managing Your Expectations:

• A realistic timeline reduces frustration.  It can be discouraging if you go in expecting a quick resolution and hit delays. But if you know in advance that time is a factor, staying focused on your goals is easier.
• Your legal team can move things forward—but not control everything.  While we take steps to avoid unnecessary delays, we also operate within a system that has its own timelines. The key is to manage what’s within your control and prepare for what isn’t.

Read: When Reality Doesn’t Match Up With Your Vision
Read: Why Does Discovery Feel Like It’s Taking So Long?

2. Waiting on Your Spouse (And Their Lawyer)

One of the most common timing frustrations?  Your divorce doesn’t just move at your pace—it moves at your spouse’s pace, too.  It can drag things out if they are slow to respond, delay signing agreements, or refuse to engage.

This is especially frustrating for clients who are emotionally ready to move on.  When you’re waiting on an ex who isn’t in the same place, it can feel like they are holding up your future.

Managing Your Expectations:

• Anticipate delays from the other side.  Even in amicable divorces, people process things at different speeds. Knowing that your ex’s timing may not match yours can help prevent unnecessary frustration.
• Understand your legal options.  While you can’t force your spouse to act faster, there are legal mechanisms to keep things moving when necessary.

Read: Divorce Is About Choices

3. The Court Moves on Court Time (Not Yours)

In Connecticut, court dates depend on the court’s availability, and scheduling delays are common. A simple hearing or signing of an order can take weeks or even months longer than expected.

If you’re picturing a clean, linear process where everything happens exactly on schedule, here’s the truth: Divorce happens in bursts of activity, followed by stretches of waiting.

Managing Your Expectations:

• Accepting that courts operate on their own schedules can bring a sense of relief.  The sooner you accept that court timelines are beyond your control, the easier it is to focus on what you can do.
• Consider alternatives like mediation—but know that it’s not always better or faster.  While mediation avoids court scheduling delays, it still depends on the other side’s willingness and timeline for participation. If they are slow to respond to settlement proposals, there’s no rule forcing them to act quickly. In some cases, the existence of a court date can actually help move negotiations forward.

Read: Control & Divorce
Read: Timeline of a Divorce in Connecticut

4. The Emotional Toll of “Limbo”

One of the hardest parts of divorce is feeling stuck between your old life and your new one. You’re legally married but emotionally done. You’re trying to make financial and personal plans, but the final pieces aren’t in place yet.

It’s normal to feel like you can’t fully move forward until your divorce is finalized. That’s why it’s important to focus on what you can control during this time.

Managing Your Expectations:

• Recognize that transition takes time.  Divorce isn’t just a legal process; it’s a life shift. Knowing that feeling “in between” is part of the journey can help you navigate it with less frustration.
• Take steps toward your future, even before your divorce is final.  You don’t have to wait for the paperwork to start envisioning and shaping your next chapter.
  

Read: Don’t Mistake Truth for Weakness; It’s Strength

5. Feeling Rushed in the Middle of a Slow Process

Ironically, while some parts of divorce feel slow, others feel rushed—especially when making important decisions about finances or parenting. You might wait months for movement, only to feel pressured into a big decision in a short amount of time.

Managing Your Expectations:

• Prepare in advance.  The more you think through your priorities ahead of time, the less overwhelming it will feel when it’s time to make a decision.
• Give yourself permission to pause.  You don’t have to make every decision immediately. If something feels rushed, take a step back and make sure you have the clarity you need. Timing matters, but it isn’t the only thing that matters.

Read: How Long Does a Divorce Take in Connecticut

Final Thoughts: Grounding Your Divorce in Reality

The waiting, the delays, the back-and-forth—it’s all frustrating. But here’s what’s most important: When you go into divorce with realistic expectations, you set yourself up to handle the process with more confidence, more in control, and with less stress.

✔ You know that timing issues are a reality, not a setback.

✔ You can plan for delays instead of being caught off guard by them.

✔ You can focus on making good decisions rather than just getting through it as fast as possible.

✔ And most importantly—the sooner you begin, the sooner it’s over.

 At Freed Marcroft, we know that divorce is the key to unlocking a future of your own creation. While we work to keep the process moving, we also help our clients understand what’s possible and plan accordingly.  When your expectations are based on reality, you’re empowered to make decisions that serve your long-term happiness—not just your short-term frustrations.