It often begins subtly. A few uncharacteristic purchases. A series of luxury expenses shrugged off as “family needs.” Custom suits instead of the customary Brooks Brothers.
Your spouse is spending money — a larger and more unusual amount of money.
Then it accelerates. Investment accounts begin to shift. The monthly AMEX bill ticks up 20%. Joint accounts diminish. A new credit card shows up and gets walloped. Lines of credit expand. Contributions to college savings accounts decrease.
If you’ve noticed your spouse’s spending patterns suddenly change, particularly in the shadow of marital tension, it’s time to pay attention.
Because in some cases, excessive or erratic spending isn’t just emotional. It’s tactical.
When Your Spouse’s Spending Signals More Than Stress
It’s not uncommon for financial behavior to shift in the lead-up to or midst of divorce. Some spouses spend money as a way to assert control. For others, it’s an attempt to alter the landscape of the marital estate.
Regardless of motive, here’s what matters: if you believe your spouse is dissipating marital assets, you don’t have to sit passively by. And you shouldn’t.
Three Steps to Regain Control—Quietly and Strategically
First: Start by Observing and Documenting Your Spouse’s Spending Without Escalating
Resist the urge to confront or accuse. Instead, begin carefully tracking account activity. Save statements. Note discrepancies. A calm, quiet awareness, backed by documentation, can be far more powerful than a confrontation.
Second: Consult with a Divorce Attorney Early
You don’t need to be “sure” you’re getting divorced to benefit from legal advice. You need insight into your options and how to protect yourself if things progress. Early counsel can help you preserve financial clarity — and avoid costly missteps.
Know that your divorce attorney may well advise that filing for divorce sooner, rather than waiting, is the best way to stop further harm. Why? Because Connecticut courts tend to consider what was “normal” during the marriage when deciding critical financial issues like alimony, property division, and whether one spouse should be credited for excessive spending (called “dissipation of marital assets” in divorce lawyer speak). The longer this kind of spending goes unchallenged, the easier it becomes for your spouse to argue it was part of the marital lifestyle. Filing can act as a legal and practical line in the sand—an immediate shift in what’s “normal.”
Third: Consider Whether Forensic Accounting Support Is Appropriate
In high net worth matters, we often collaborate with financial experts who can identify, trace, and value complex assets. If there’s concern that money is being hidden, rerouted, or spent to manipulate the division of property, speak to your attorney. In some cases, these professionals are an invaluable part of your team.
This Isn’t About Reacting. It’s About Regaining Control.
Many of our clients are the ones in the relationship who have been careful, considered, and forward-looking. They’ve been the planners. The steady hands.
But when the ground begins to shift beneath you, when your partner or spouse starts spending money and making financial decisions that threaten your security or your children’s future, it’s time to move from reactive to strategic.
At Freed Marcroft, we are not alarmists. We are advisors, advocates, and—when necessary—strong and clear-sighted litigators. Our role is to help you see the whole picture, understand the implications, and make empowered, informed decisions about what comes next.
If you suspect that something’s off, you’re not overthinking it. You’re seeing clearly. Time isn’t your friend; action is. And we can help you take it from here.