Updated July 12, 2025
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to divorce. You have many options for handling your divorce, including mediation and arbitration. Making the right choices can make a significant difference in your future. For example, a high-conflict divorce can take many months (or even years) to resolve. In many high-conflict divorces, the spouses cannot reach settlement agreements outside of court, which can lead to waiting for court dates, plus significant court time and associated attorneys’ fees.
To avoid this, many spouses choose to work together through mediation or arbitration to try to de-escalate conflict and reach resolutions outside of court. Mediation and arbitration are two common alternatives to traditional court proceedings. Our divorce lawyers work with you to identify the best approach for you based on your future goals. Whether you are seeking a peaceful resolution or a binding decision, we will shed light on the benefits and drawbacks of mediation vs. arbitration, empowering you to make an informed choice that will set the stage for a brighter future.
How Does Mediation Work?
Mediation is a non-adversarial process where a neutral third party, known as a mediator, helps divorcing couples reach a mutually satisfactory agreement. The mediator facilitates communication and negotiation between the parties, guiding them toward finding common ground and resolving conflicts. Unlike a judge in a courtroom, a mediator does not make decisions or impose settlements. Instead, they assist the couple in exploring options and finding solutions that work for both parties.
Mediation has two primary applications in Connecticut divorce proceedings.
The first mediation application is a divorce process that provides a holistic alternative to litigation. In other words, instead of filing their divorce with the court, the couple retains a mediator to help them reach an agreement on their own, outside of court. The mediator doesn’t represent either spouse. Instead, the mediator guides the conversation so the couple can create a divorce plan that works for their family. The mediator doesn’t give legal advice but may suggest how a court might view certain situations or agreements. After the spouses reach an agreement, the mediator prepares a written draft for them to review with their individual attorneys – who we often call “mediation review counsel.” The attorney serving as each spouse’s mediation review counsel does provide their client with independent legal advice about the agreements reached during mediation.
The second application of mediation in the divorce context happens as one component of a litigated divorce. In those cases, mediation is a settlement tool to resolve the remaining issues. This typically occurs toward the end of negotiations to either avoid a divorce trial or narrow the issues the judge must decide at trial. It’s most commonly conducted with a retired judge serving as the mediator.
Read: What Is Mediation in Divorce?
Advantages of Mediation
One of the key advantages of mediation is its focus on collaboration and maintaining a positive relationship between the divorcing spouses. By encouraging open communication and understanding, mediation can help reduce conflict and promote a more amicable divorce. Additionally, mediation allows the couple to have more control over the outcome of their case, as they are the decision-makers. This can lead to more personalized and creative solutions that meet both parties’ unique needs and priorities.
However, it’s important to note that mediation isn’t the best option for all divorce cases. In situations where there is a significant power imbalance, a lack of candor, a history of domestic violence, or an inability to communicate effectively, even with the assistance of a mediator, mediation may not be the best option. It’s crucial to assess the dynamics of your relationship and consult with a qualified professional to determine if mediation is right for you.
Read: How to Have an Amicable Divorce
How Does Arbitration Work?
Arbitration, often called “private judge services,” allows divorcing couples to have their case decided by a neutral third party outside of traditional court. Unlike a mediator who helps couples reach their own agreements, an arbitrator (private judge) makes binding decisions on the spouses’ behalf—just like a judge, but in a private setting with more control and flexibility.
At Freed Marcroft, our private judge and arbitration services include former Connecticut Family Court Judge Ken Shluger (Ret.), who served as presiding judge of New London County family matters for over 20 years. This gives you access to true judicial experience in a private, efficient setting.
Connecticut now allows private judges to decide all family law issues—including child custody, support, property division, and alimony. The spouses agree to be bound by the private judge’s decision, which typically comes within 30 days compared to up to 120 days in traditional court.
Read: Arbitration & Divorce
Advantages of Arbitration
Couples increasingly choose private judge services for several compelling reasons:
- Speed and Efficiency: Private judge cases typically resolve in 3-6 months compared to 12-24 months in court. Decisions are issued within 30 days vs. up to 120 days from traditional judges.
- Choose Your Judge: Unlike court where you’re assigned whoever is available, you can select an experienced family law judge like Judge Ken Shluger who understands your specific type of case.
- Complete Privacy: Private judge proceedings are confidential, protecting sensitive family and financial information from public record.
- Consistent Decision-Maker: The same judge handles your entire case, unlike court where you may have different judges for different hearings.
- Continuous Hearings: Schedule consecutive hearing days rather than fragmented court dates spread over months.
- Cost Efficiency: While you pay the private judge’s fees ($450-$650/hour), total costs are often 30-50% less than extended litigation due to faster resolution.
However, it’s also important to consider the potential drawbacks of arbitration. Since the arbitrator makes the final decision, the couple has less control over the outcome of their case than they would in mediation. This can be a disadvantage if you feel strongly about specific issues and want a say in decision-making. There is also less opportunity to appeal if you don’t like a private judge or arbitrator’s decision.
Read: Unveiling the Role of a Family Lawyer
Similarities in Mediation vs. Arbitration
Arbitration and mediation are both forms of alternative dispute resolution or “ADR.” In other words, they are both private ways to try to reach an agreement on your divorce outside of court.
- Opting in: Both spouses must agree to use mediation or arbitration to resolve their divorce.
- Selection: Regardless of their chosen method, the couple must agree to the mediator or arbitrator and how to cover their fees.
- Fees: Where you do not pay the judge in your litigated divorce, you pay your private mediator or arbitrator. This does not necessarily mean that the fees in ADR are less expensive overall than in a contested divorce. The opposite is often true.
- Timing: Mediation and arbitration are more within the spouse’s control than when the court is involved.
- The sessions are confidential in private mediation and not part of the public record. This is most often also the case in divorce arbitration. In both cases, the divorce agreement that you reach will be entered with the court for review and approval and will become part of the public record.
Read: Understanding the Divorce Process
Critical Differences Between Mediation vs. Arbitration
While both mediation and arbitration aim to resolve disputes outside of the courtroom, two key differences set them apart. Understanding these differences can help you determine the most suitable approach for your divorce settlement.
- Decision-making authority: In mediation, the couple retains control over the decisions and ultimately decides the terms of their settlement. In arbitration, the spouses give the arbitrator the authority to make binding decisions that the couple must follow. This is similar to when a judge decides in litigation, except that the spouses agree to hire and pay the arbitrator.
- Level of structure: Mediation is generally less formal than arbitration, focusing on open communication and collaboration. Arbitration follows a more structured process, closer to but less formal than a courtroom setting.
Read: Benefits of Divorce Mediation
When Should You Choose Each Option?
Choose Mediation When:
- Both spouses are willing to work together collaboratively
- You want to maintain maximum control over all decisions
- Communication between spouses is reasonably functional
- Cost minimization is the primary concern
- Both parties are committed to finding mutually beneficial solutions
Choose Private Judge Services (Arbitration) When:
- You need binding decisions but want to avoid public court
- Mediation has been unsuccessful but you prefer privacy over traditional trial
- You have complex financial issues requiring judicial expertise
- You want faster resolution than court can provide
- You prefer choosing an experienced family law judge
- Privacy and confidentiality are important priorities
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Can you use both mediation and private judge services?
Yes! Many couples try mediation first, and if that’s unsuccessful on certain issues, they can use private judge arbitration to resolve the remaining disputes while avoiding traditional court.
How much does private judge arbitration cost compared to mediation?
Hourly rates for retired judges (and other experienced divorce attorneys who serve as mediators and arbitrators) generally range $450-$650 per hour. This is the case regardless of whether they are serving as a private judge/arbitrator or as a mediator. In some cases, the binding nature of arbitration often resolves cases faster than extended mediation attempts, making the total cost competitive. In other cases, the even greater flexibility of mediation tends to be more efficient. Speak with an attorney experienced in both approaches for a custom analysis based on your goals and the specifics of your situation.
Call Freed Marcroft if You Are Considering Mediation or Arbitration for Your Divorce
Choosing between mediation vs. arbitration for your divorce settlement is a significant decision that requires careful consideration. The family lawyers at Freed Marcroft are skilled in all types of divorces, including mediation, litigation, and collaborative divorce, and help you make an informed choice that aligns with your needs and priorities. Learn more about your options by scheduling a consultation today.